Against my better judgment I often find myself clicking on articles titled things like ‘10 ways to get over loneliness’.  I find them about as effective as the familiar advice to ‘eat less and move more’—simple but rarely addressing the deeper issues. The reason people are lonely is rarely because it just hasn’t occurred to them to go out and meet people. So the idea that getting a hobby, a dog, joining a choir etc are all ways to gain a bit more social contact, but they don’t deal with the underlying feelings, behaviours or circumstances which can make loneliness entrenched.

However, at the weekend I saw a community choir called Men Are Singing perform at the Tobacco Factory and it made me think a lot about how powerful organisations like choirs can be for forming connections. Many of us struggle to find spaces where we can let our guards down, be ourselves, and genuinely connect—even when surrounded by others.

I liked the inclusive, cross generational nature of the group.  I think often, especially when we are doing things with our bodies, there can be some anxiety about whether its okay to be in a space, so having something that’s welcoming of everyone, of every voice can help lower those anxieties. I also appreciated that it was explicitly cross generational, I think sometimes spaces made up only of our peers can lead to a place of comparison, whereas spaces with people in different life stages can give more hope of the diverse ways in which people can be happy.

The group also created songs (I think a lot of this came through the leader Seamus Carey) which were about their experiences and their lives. This is a rare gift for non artistic civilians. I think there is real value in being able to take part in something creative, and that opportunities for that are rare. There is also something special about performance and allowing yourself to be seen by others, seen as a performer, as someone of value.  Many of us, me included, often go through life by default trying not to be observed or witnessed, and there can be something distorting about that. 

Finally, in the show there was explicit use of casual touch between the men, they put their hands on each other’s shoulders. Strong, solid hands being pressed into each other’s backs.  A non verbal acknowledgement of care, of presence. I think there is something really valuable, and again unusual about having that opportunity, especially for men.  As the show continued they would hug each other, the held hands.  It was intimate and moving to watch. I suspect many of us would like more of that sort of touch in our lives.