I used to hate hearing the phrase ‘humans are social animals’ when I was feeling lonely. It often entrenched a feeling of failure.
There are a lot of cultural messages about the value of being in romantic and sexual relationships. It is natural to want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. This can be internalised by those who are not in relationships as a failure on their part, that they are undesirable, and unloveable.
You may be a person who yearns for warm hugs, intimacy, for physical care. And these can be difficult things to talk about. Part of why physical intimacy can be attractive is that it gives us a sense of connection with people, it can validate us. It can be a strong message of acceptance, a place of connection with others but also with ourselves. Not having the opportunity for touch (some people call this ‘touch starved’) with others can leave you feeling isolated, but also can feel stigmatising, and can even leave people feeling angry. These are all issues which are welcome in our work together.
One of the triggers for loneliness can be the end of a relationship (including friendships or relationships with family). It can mean loss not only of a person, of a connection but of an expected future. It can leave people feeling rejected and unwanted. It can leave people feeling angry and lost. And it can feel hard to reorientate yourself towards people again, trust that you can find places where you will be valued or seen.
Sometimes people can feel lonely within a relationship. This might be because they feel increasingly estranged from their partner. It might be because is there is something about their relationship that feels stigmatising, like other people might not approve, or that its hard to talk about publically.
I think therapy can be useful for processing these feelings, and for exploring the meaning we give to these events. However, there often isn’t a shortcut around this emotional pain, and time does its work too.